The Uncertainty of Beginning Again
Change is something we are always guaranteed in life and often many emotions come to the surface as we move through a new beginning. Whether it’s changing careers, breakups, or moving to a new city, some changes can be a positive cause for celebration, but the loss of what we’ll leave behind can hit us with heartbreak and grief.
It’s natural to feel lost and confused through the seasons of life. There can be a whirlwind of emotions when coming to terms with the loss of what once was, alongside the anticipatory anxiety of an uncertain new chapter. What a time warp! It’s no wonder many forms of grief emerge within us and this is something I acknowledge regularly in therapy.
Grief is not the enemy, despite what we have been conditioned to believe in our productivity-driven society. Just as emotions are cues that signal our needs, grief plays an important role in revealing what we deeply long for in our heart’s desire. In psychology, this comes from the limbic system, the feeling brain, aka your emotional heart.
We often turn away from grief because we are not given permission to grieve, or simply don’t learn how. Learning how we can honour our feelings of grief around losses is a vital part of healing. Grief allows us to digest our experiences, so we can emotionally metabolize our process and move with the unfolding changes. Yes, this does mean sitting with our feelings. And yes, this can be such a tall order when we are new to grief or the losses feel insurmountable.
Too many spaces ask us to ignore grief or minimize those who are in the throes of it. So, often we are left invalidated and alone in our sadness, heartbreak, anxiety and overwhelm, when in fact it is perfectly normal and healthy to feel these losses in our hearts.
Leaning into communal care
Grief is processed when we are witnessed within safe relationships. It helps to identify the people you feel safe to witness your grief – perhaps someone in your circle who gets it, a facilitator, a therapist, or loved ones. Your grief is precious and you have the right to discern who feels safe. Group support and individual therapy can offer a safe relationship to be seen and supported as you reconnect with your grief journey.
Building a toolkit of practices
Sitting with our feelings involves having a toolkit to lean on, such as deep breathing, journaling, practicing self compassion. Therapy is an opportunity to develop this toolkit and practice them in session to build the skills and capacity for this important part of the healing work.
If you’re navigating a new journey, here are a couple of practices I often suggest in therapy that can support you in your emotional journey.
Closing Ritual
Rituals help bring familiarity and comfort in uncertain times. Studies show that intentional rituals, such as lighting a candle to mark a transition, or writing a farewell letter, can create a sense of predictability and control, helping to soothe us in uncertain, stressful times, while also lower cortisol levels.
Many cultures commemorate endings through a closing ritual to honour what has been built and what will be missed. This can offer a collective moment of appreciation, gratitude, and remembrance of the significance of what has occurred.
If you wish to create a new ritual, start with something small and meaningful that engages the senses. Being heartfelt and intentional will have a greater impact than going through the motions on autopilot.
New beginning ritual
When you’re ready, consider incorporating a ritual to commemorate the new chapter in your life in ways that resonate with you. Does this new chapter signify transformation? Or rebuilding? Or returning to your roots? Whatever it may be, take time to reflect and do a mental spring cleaning, taking inventory of an area of your life that is impacted.
Rituals help to create new associations to the new spaces we find ourselves in. Is there something you’re glad to leave behind that is no longer serving you? A fresh start can be a wonderful opportunity to release misalignment and allow for something new unfold in your life story.
Permission to take a break
It’s okay to take time away from feeling grief, in fact, it is healthy to give our nervous system a break from all the amazing work of sitting in the feels. There is an approach known as ‘dual processing’ where we carve out time to grieve, and retreat back to our regular routine in order to hit the pause button. After all, we are meant to live, not just survive and heal.
Remember the power of rest. Rest is essential. We cannot do this thing called life without it and it’s especially relevant for those of us who are healing within systemic oppression. The path of liberation invites us to reclaim our bodies and autonomy through rest, which is a form of radical resistance against exploitation.
Take it Slow
Change is hard and it can help to sloooowwww down. There is so much unfolding right now in the world and it’s okay to give yourself permission to rest and nourish yourself. Pay attention to your energy levels. Perhaps your body has been telling you to take a break. Maybe there is a call for fresh air. Or to lie down and let yourself relax. The point is not to feel our feelings at every waking moment, but to honour them and allow time to really attune to how your body communicates with you.
Just as our nervous system needs time to catch up to what our mind may understand, our heart (our limbic system) needs time too.
If you’re interested in accessing a healing space to support you through your new beginnings, I’d be honoured to connect with you.
In the meantime, sending you warmth and grace for all the changes ahead. May you recognize the courage and resilience within you to keep going.
With hope,
Rachel
